Introducing…

Well folks, new edition to the group. So let me introduce the cast of characters before the new player takes the stage.

There is Harlow. Our old reliable Samoyed that is only separated from the human race by the lack of thumbs.

There’s Nilla. So old that it is sans gender. But it used to be a he.

There’s crazy. Oh, I mean Nutmeg. a.k.a. Dory

Okay, wait. Can we explore the above photo a little more?

Yeah, that big mouth pip-squeak in the corner? That’s Coco.

She has to have at least two photos of her in this blog posting. It is written in her contract. Consider her the Ari Emanuel of the dog world.

Lou a.k.a. Little Head, Big Tail

And his tail –

I told you…it’s a long tail.

And now the newest kid on the block – Jack!

Howdy Jack. Welcome to the party!!

Posted in Animals, Humor | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Freedom!!!!

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I always knew she was a superficial pig.

I have a disaster on my hands!

And a certain pig is nowhere to be found.

It involves this guy:

Kermit has lost his eyes.

He’s quite upset about it. (Anyone else having flashes of The Elephant Man?)

I am not a MONSTER!!

Sorry, Kermie. I know, I know. This is serious. Let’s all put our serious faces on.

So, let’s recap. I have an eyeless frog hand puppet and that superficial bovine, Miss Piggy, is nowhere to be found.

Ah Kermit. Don’t be so sad. We will figure this out. I am sure she’ll show up at some point. (Probably on someone else’s hand.) Woah, Woah, Kermit…don’t…I didn’t meant to…Oh no…here it comes…

Anyone else noticing Streetcar Named Desire? STELLAAAAA!!!

Goodbye,

Lynne with an E…yeless frog puppet on her hand, literally.

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Lynne with An Experiment – of a different variety

Of the tomato variety that is. After watching the movie, Food Inc., I started thinking about artificial foods and sweeteners and all that lovely stuff. And nothing beats being able to grow your own food. But a girl’s gotta make a living so I am not hanging up my sensible work heels for a pair of coveralls quite yet. Even though I believe there are several people that read this blog that have photo proof that I did go through a coverall-wearing stage.

So I have come up with a different experiment. Summer is coming up and my front porch is normally a planting disaster. It is sunny a majority of the day so the only things that survive are cacti and lizards, and I think maybe tomato plants. So I am growing tomato plants on my front porch, in containers. I bought them all at the local feed store. I know! Southern California, and I said Feed Store? Well, maybe one of these times, you and I can have a little visit to the local feed store.

The Feed Store was selling heirloom tomato plants for $0.99 each. And I definitely wanted to try out heirloom tomatoes. Figured it is a bit different from The Home Depot variety and there are no photos, so I have no clue what will show up on these vines. Tomato-Vine Kid, anybody? Anyways, for the undoctrinated, heirloom tomatoes are non-hybrid tomatoes. So the tomato that I am growing today, could be a direct descendent of a tomato that someone grew during the 1920’s or 1950’s or 1980’s with really cool neon pink leg warmers that have silver sparkles that…okay! I am back with you.

So presenting to you…The Tomato Plants of Summer 2010…

I planted six different tomato plants on my porch. They have names like Pompeii V, Hillbilly, Bonny’s Best and my personal favorite, Bloody Butcher.

Home-grown tomatoes are some of the best. So let’s see if I actually get to experience the fruits of my labor.

Grow Your Own,

Lynne with an E…xperiment

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One Word Movie Review

No, I have not been hiding from you…or the clown. I just got a new laptop so you would think I would be blogging every hour on the hour. Well, there have been some internet issues. And I started reading the last book in the Millenium Trilogy (yes, Julie, I know you are next on the list). Oh I’ve got more excuses, tons. I could go on and on and on. But instead, let’s hear it for this segment of One Word Movie Review.

  • My Sister’s Keeper- Slobbing (sloppy + sobbing – this is one word movie review)
  • Art & Copy – Boring
  • Sex and the City: Part II –  Accessorize
  • Elegy – Self-ageism
  • Valentino: The Last Emperor – Couture
Posted in Humor, Movies | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Good vs. Evil

I have seen the Face of Evil. And it looks like this:

And this!

Until about the age of five, this face of evil was my bedmate. I thought he was the coolest. He even had a whistle and when you stuck it in his mouth and pressed his chest, it would whistle. Way cool. And you could tie his shoelaces.

And then my sister’s sleepover happened. My sister’s sleepover happened where I somehow wandered in while they were watching Poltergeist. And when they pulled the sheet up thinking that the little girl was there and all they found was the clown…

Well, life altering wasn’t the half of it and the clown was relegated to the closet.

Until today, because I will face my fears. I won’t look away. I won’t look away. I won’t look away.

Yeah, it’s going back in the closet.

Better yet…Ebay.

Okay, I am still scared. I need something happy to make me feel better. What could make me feel happy?

Hmmmmm….

I know!

And…

Okay, I am feeling much better.

Here’s a question for you: in a fight between Rainbow Brite vs. Ronald McDonald, who would win?

My money’s on Rainbow Brite. She’s got a tattoo…on her face.

That is BAD A#@.

Yours always,

Lynne with an E nvy for Rainbow Brite’s rainbow-patterned bodysuit

Posted in Humor, Movies, Random Musings | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

You make my heart go thud, thud, thud.

Well not actually, but I do wear a heart rate monitor to see how many thuds my heart takes when I am exercising. See, I have a love/hate relationship with exercising. It loves me by giving me clear skin, deep sleep, a sense of accomplishment and  a decent body weight. And for some reason, I continue to hate it. And sometimes, I am not that consistent with it. The only thing about exercise that I am consistent about is my hatred. I need to get a t-shirt that reads, EXERCISE. THE NECESSARY EVIL.

But I want to share with you my security blanket in the exercise world.

A heart rate monitor is a helpful tool when you are exercising. I am not a fitness trainer, but I had one and a heart rate monitor was one of his recommendations. He also recommended taking milk thistle tablets. Yeah, now that wasn’t a good idea. Anyways, a heart rate monitor does exactly that. It monitors your heart rate rate while you are working out. 

Here’s my current one:

The strap pictured above goes around your chest. For women, right below your bra strap. For men, right below your bro strap (Serenity Now!). Okay, okay, I will stop the Seinfeld references. And where the “Polar” is printed above? That goes directly middle front. And when you put it on, you need to wet it just a little bit to help the connection between it and your heart. Ya know, the whole ‘water being a great conduit for electricity’ thing.  Oh! And by the way, you wear it under your clothes. Against your skin. Grrrr.

So you can spend a lot of money on heart rate monitors but I think I spent about $60 on mine. It actually is a watch and a strap.

Depending on how expensive the set is, the watch will have various settings such as the time, your current heart rate, calories burned; you may be able to enter your max heart rate and it will beep when you reach it. If you work out on a machine at the gym, the machine may display your heart rate when it detects you wearing a heart rate strap.

Okay, now for some great reasons to wear a heart rate monitor:

  1. On the machines, if you enter your age and weight, it will give a more accurate reading of calories being burned. For more expensive heart rate monitors, the watch catches that information and acts like a mini-computer. 
  2. You can monitor at what % of your maximum heart rate you are exercising. Because you know how they always have that part in the fitness magazine cardio section. Well, now you will actually know at what % you are exercising. Calculate your maximum heart rate by taking 220 and subtracting your age.  Example: I am currently 32 years of age. No secrets here. I am an open book. 220 – 32 = 188. My maximum heart rate is 188. So I don’t want to exercise at my maximum heart rate but usually somewhere between 65%-85% of it. So take the maximum heart rate and multiply it by .65, .70, etc. and that will give you the heart rate percentages.

I don’t want to spend my life at the gym so by monitoring my heart rate, I am able to get the most out of my workout in the shortest amount of time. And if you train for or enjoy endurance sports, it is a great way to make sure you stay within the “zone” without undertaxing or overtaxing yourself.

Okay, my public service announcement is done for the week. How many calories do you burn from typing? Too bad I can’t type with my thighs. But supposedly, spot-training doesn’t work.

Now, if only I could find a catapult that would fling me safely from my bed to the treadmill at the gym.

Yours truly,

Lynne with an E xtra pound or two to lose

Posted in Running/Exercise | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

T-Shirt Meet Pillow, Pillow Meet T-Shirt

I have an old t-shirt that I love. I bought it while I was studying abroad in Rome, Italy. And for many years, I have worn it. Actually I have worn it out. Wearing it now is just indecent…and a little drafty.

Here is my beautiful t-shirt that is a little stained from some home hair-coloring experiments among other trials.

So I wanted to keep it but I know it is no longer wearable. So t-shirt meet pillow.

And some other coordinating fabric and ribbon.

And a hot iron, because you are looking a little wrinkly.

Okay, note to self – need to get sewing machine. This is the Olympics of hand sewing.

Smile for the photo.

Ha ha. Yes, your backside is very nice but that isn’t what I wanted to show everyone.

What a great way to be able to enjoy my beloved t-shirt for a few more years.

Posted in Sewing | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

I don’t know what to call it, but it tastes goooood.

Cocktail Time! Do you hear the shaker? So my sister had this fantastic drink at Katsuya in L.A. Then she told me about it and instructed me that I needed to find out what was in it and how to make it. Now, that is the kind of mission I love;)

So one luscious cocktail coming up. Basically, it is a little bit of a twist on a Cosmopolitan. Kind of like its twisted sister.

So here is the cast of characters:

Same portions as the Cosmopolitan.

  • Absolut Mandrin (Orange-infused vodka, grapefruit-infused vodka would work as well) – 2 parts
  • Cointreau – 1 part
  • White Cranberry juice – 2 parts
  • Juice of half a lime

Okay, kiddos. Time to pull the pool out (pssst…I mean the cocktail shaker).

Well, actually before the mixer starts, let’s not be total barbarians as my father would like to say. We need to frost the cocktail glass. Dry cocktail shaker goes into freezer.

Okay, back to that drink. First in the pool – Vodka (3 thimbles full)

Next in – Cointreau (and no, you still can’t use Gran Marnier) – 1 1/2 thimble full

White Cranberry Juice – You are up next. 3 thimbles of juice

Don’t forget the lime.

Don’t let the lack of color discourage you. Looks can be deceiving. Time to invite some ice to the party.

Okay, now that everyone is in the pool, put the top on it and start shakin’.

Pull the chilled cocktail glass out of the freezer. You better still be shaking!

Okay, time to pour.

Garnish with a lime and enjoy.

Yeah, I see him. And I am trying to ignore him…him and all his little friends.

Posted in Cocktails | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

We Are The Burrito Supremes

I had to post the photo but you will have to wait for the story that goes with it. But in the meantime, please submit your own photo caption in the comments section.

Posted in Humor, Photography | 1 Comment